PSL: For Charles

[fucking_gentleman]

It had taken a week to stabilise Harry to the point that he could under go more surgery, to build in the frame work and connections for his new eye. He was fairly out of it for another week after that, between painkillers and recovery.

It was a few days after that that, by the time Charles came down, Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed, a wheelchair sitting nearby and Harry rather insistently trying to get his nurse to let him wear the suit he wanted, rather than the far more relaxed clothing she was insisting on.

"Charles! Help me, Eggsy's on mission or I'd requisition him. I'm not being unreasonable, I'm not even asking for a three piece suit, just being allowed to dress in a manner that I find more comfortable."

Comments

[fucking_gentleman]

Harry could see the damage, yes, but London had suffered far worse than it was recovering from now. Any country that spent so much time being invaded and at war learned to carry on.

"Charles... I killed a lot of people in that church, didn't I?"

[grailknight]

"Yes, but they were vile examples of humanity." While Charles had killed a whole market of innocent people.

[fucking_gentleman]

"Not my point. I've killed people before, that doesn't bother me. I didn't choose to kill them." He dreamed of something he thought was the church last night. Most of it was vague. "I don't like being out of control."

[grailknight]

"It is supposed to be an undesireable feeling, Harry." Being out of control suggested that something was wrong.

[fucking_gentleman]

"Yes, yes, I'm fully aware of that." He gestured vaguely down the street, indicating he wanted to go that way. "I don't... remember it. But I've been having dreams."

[grailknight]

He began moving Harry in the desired direction. "What happens in these dreams?"

[fucking_gentleman]

"I don't really remember. Just, I kill a lot of people. Mostly I shoot them. With my gun. With their guns. I think I blew some people up. That's the worst, this moment of thinking 'what am I doing' and then..."

He shrugged slightly. "I don't remember more."

[grailknight]

"There is footage, Harry. Your glasses recorded all of it, up to you getting shot."

[fucking_gentleman]

"I know. I don't want to see it." He would remember, or not, but he didn't feel the need to sit and watch his total loss of control and brutal massacre. Whether they were appalling human beings or not was completely irrelevant. He was still used to murder them.

"Because when I was shot, the glasses took some of the brunt and probably saved my life, deflecting it from going straight through the middle of my brain."

[grailknight]

"And I am not suggesting that you do." He nodded. "Yes. And Valentine was also a terrible shot." He had gone ahead and viewed the footage. He had watched everything that was recorded during 'V-Day.'

[fucking_gentleman]

"He was squeamish, apparently. Couldn't stand the sight of blood." He had read that somewhere. Probably in his briefing notes.

"Probably saved my life."

[grailknight]

"Yes and once again you demonstrate how much of a lucky bastard you are."

[fucking_gentleman]

"Mm." He thought about it for a little while. "Charles, do you ever resent that I lived when James died?"

[grailknight]

He didn't need to think about it; he already had an answer. "No. I am angry at James for being foolish and creating a rescue mission of his own without waiting for back up."

[fucking_gentleman]

"All right." Someone else, Harry might have niggled for a real answer, but he trusted Charles to be honest with him.

Harry waved them to a stop outside the bakery. It was damaged. Closed. But he could see recovery effort already moving along nicely.

[grailknight]

"The only thing I resent is myself for not stopping him from leaving. But he didn't tell me about the mission."

Charles looked on at the bakery and smiled softly.

[fucking_gentleman]

"You knew the life you were both living when you got involved." And the risk and likelihood of it ending poorly. Or with at least injury.

He reached up and patted Charles' hand. "I'm being cruel, aren't I?"

[grailknight]

"I do. But after eighteen years, we were comfortable."

Charles smiled and took Harry's hand. "Realistic."

[fucking_gentleman]

"Eighteen- yes, of course it was." Lee's little boy was a Kingsman, but it was still a surprise to realise, at times.

He kept his hand there, holding onto Charles. "A little harsh, maybe."

[grailknight]

"Not long enough. But I don't think James ever planned to retire." Charles had the bar of his great uncle's legacy set for him.

"Nonsense. Never temper yourself to me."

[fucking_gentleman]

"No. I don't think he did." James was always going to die in the job. Though Harry would've bet on his death involving more high rise chases than it had.

"I don't. Observing I'm being a little harsh doesn't mean I'll change. I'm far too old to go changing who I am."

[grailknight]

"When I wouldn't mind dying in my sleep." He sighed. "I wish I had been with him."

He shrugged. "You weren't being harsh."

[fucking_gentleman]

"To save him, or go with him?" He knew Charles wasn't suicidal. That didn't mean he didn't want to have gone with his husband, sometimes.

[grailknight]

"To save him." He frowned. "And I would like to continue living--though there are times I find myself uncomfortable with where my life is. Some times I wonder how to go on."

[fucking_gentleman]

"Go on, in general, or specifically without him?" Harry had never really been seriously involved with anyone. He was married to his work and he had no problems with the deaths, mayhem and property destruction he had caused in the line of that work.