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eggsy/gawain,
psl

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[Continued from here]

Harry was not aware of the fight that happened when Eggsy went back to HQ.

He wasn't aware that Merlin had visited him twice since he woke up from his coma, because both times his brain had struggled with the damage and flood of memories and promptly failed to cope. He never managed to make an actual memory of Merlin's visits, because his memory centres had been too inflamed at that stage.

He may never know how gutted Merlin was to find that Harry was alive, but still just as gone as before and that he had agreed with the treating specialists to give Harry space to heal and recover before they did anything about trying to get his memory recovered.

Harry was not as well recovered as Harry thought he was, or managed to present.

But it was agreed that they wouldn't move him from where he was. The staff there were briefed on his situation, there was security in place and it wasn't worth the fight with both Eggsy AND Harry to get him moved.

Eggsy was told not to visit, to let Harry recover physically.

Harry, on the other hand, got out to the phone and managed to dial the number on the back of the medal and then gave what he assumed was the pass code of Oxfords, not Brogues.

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"Well, it might give an old man a bit of a cheap thrill," Harry retorted. "Assuming my heart can stand up to it."

Harry folded his hands in his lap. "I clearly did say what I did not intend to. It's a... quirk. One that I am eager to be rid of."

"You're worth more than cheap anything," he said, not even thinking about the words before they were out. "But we'll save that until you're feeling better."

He was quiet a minute before saying softly. "You're going to say things as you remember them. You're being the man you are," he pointed out. "Even if you don't remember."

Interesting. It seemed unlikely to him, but the young man's reactions were informative. They weren't lovers before, he was sure of that, but it was clearly not objectionable to Eggsy.

God only knew why he was interested, but he was.

Harry needed to know more about Harry Hart, the man code named Galahad.

"Even if I don't remember," he agreed. "My apologies, I intend on staying awake but being upright is starting to cause undue pain in my injuries."

He'd been shot in the head. He had also been exploded, stabbed several times and punched a lot. It was a lot to recover from.

Eggsy was on his feet in a moment, coming over closer then. Concern furrowed his brow, shifting to stand over Harry where he could see the machines and their numbers.

"Then get some sleep, and I'll leave the number with the nurse," he offered. "I'll go back and stare blankly at Merlin while he rants at me, or worse, gives me the disappointed head shake. Ain't you giving me that look, so I'm not gonna feel guilt over it."

A pause, just staring down at the man. "One positive. Your head don't seem to be pounding and all. A start, right?" He smiled then, trying to focus on the positive. For both their sakes.

"I don't need sleep. Just take the pressure off some old incisions."

He tilted the bed back to a 45 degree angle and watched the boy closely. He was emotionally invested. Incredibly emotionally invested. His former self must have been an idiot to be unaware of it, therefore he almost certainly was but had chosen to simply let it pass unmentioned.

"My head is, at present, attached and behaving within normal parameters."

"Sorry. Took whatcha said wrong," he said, staying where he was. Eggsy wasn't entirely in the know of his own emotions. No, he knew them, but not how much they showed. It was all jokes and laughter and comments, right? Sure. That's what it was.

"I meant to tell you. I know you don't remember it maybe? From whatcha said but, I didn't mean to hurt you, Harry. I wouldn't do that if I had known."

And he had been fretting over that, terrified he had truly done more damage just in his need to not let Harry go again.

Harry closed his eye briefly, making the conscious effort to relax his limbs and stomach.

Then he looked back to Eggsy. "Hurt me? What on earth are you talking about?"

He shrugged, frowning at that question as he moved to fold his arms. "When... last time, you like had this look on your face and you just... I don't know. The memories hurt. What Merlin was sayin'. Why he didn't come back, because it hurt you."

And hurting Harry hurt him.

"Last time I saw you, we fought. I disappointed you. Don't want to hurt you."

"You... disappointed me?" He couldn't really imagine how. It seemed rather unfathomable, actually. "My dear boy, you haven't hurt me. If last visit ended poorly, I am sorry for that but that is simply the nature of my injury. I would rather some discomfort than continuing to waste away in here wondering who and what I was that I had no one in the world to notice my absence."

"Yeah I didn't shoot a dog and I stole a car," he said, rushing through the words as if that was nothing. His arms tightened in where he had them folded, shoulders hunching a bit. "And don't think that. Jesus fucking Christ don't think that. All I noticed since the day you were shot was you not there."

"... well, not shooting a dog sounds reasonable. Unless JB had rabies."

He might have been derailed into wondering what JB was, but Eggsy firmly distracted him. Harry reached out, cupping Eggsy's face with his hand, briefly surprised at how large his hand looked against the boy. "My dear boy, I didn't mean to distress you."

Dammit, dammit, dammit. He was doing okay. He was being a strong agent, a Kingsman. He wasn't even sure which one hit him that hard. Harry remembering JB, or that touch.

His eyes closed, so tight, painfully so, fighting the tears. "You didn't. You did your job. Don't worry though. The bastard that shot you paid for it." Not enough though. Not nearly fucking enough. "I did my job though, Harry. Promise. I did everything that you'd be proud. Every day."

Bugger propriety.

Harry sat himself up, tugging the boy in against him. He desperately needed some contact, someone to hold him and promise that it was all right.

"I am proud, of everything I've heard and everything I've extrapolated. You are an exceptional young man and no one can take that away from you. Not even me."

Oh! Oh that. He hesitated only a minute before he was wrapping his arms around Harry, trying to be gentle and cling at the same time.

"I let you down, and then I embarrassed you," he whispered. "I'm sorry." They were words in his head for months now, words he had whispered at night when he'd slowed down and had nothing to think about but Harry.

Harry didn't try to stand, just pulled Eggsy down into his embrace and held him. The poor boy was a bit of a wreck under a neatly polished exterior and if Harry could in some fashion kick the butt of the man he was for contributing to that, he would.

"You're forgiven," he murmured softly. "You're all forgiven, Eggsy."

"Thank you." He nearly choked on the gratitude, never thinking he would hear those words. Not from the man holding him. "I made it better though. You know that." Even if he only got the chance because of Valentine shooting one of the most important people in his life. "But I would have given it all up for you not to die," he whispered.

"I have no doubt." He didn't. Eggsy was competent and driven. "But I'm not dead. I'm not even in a coma. I'm right here."

"I know. I know you are, and don't matter if you're just Harry for ever. Don't matter." He was alive, that was all that mattered.

He didn't want to pull away, but part of him thought he should. Leaning only a bit, trying to make himself calm. For the sake of the man Harry had been grooming him to be. "I won't let you down again, Harry. I swear."

Harry let him lean back, reflexively finding himself neatening up Eggsy's hair with his fingers. "I doubt you ever did, Eggsy. Even if I was angry, or upset, you didn't let me down."

He smiled at that touch, liking that Harry did that. All of it more than he thought he might have, more than he would have dreamt of having if he hadn't lost Harry.

"Yeah well... when you get your memory back, I ain't holding you to those words, okay? But thank you. You don't know how much it means, Harry." But he expected that would change when he remembered. He'd just work harder when the time came.

Harry gave Eggsy a smile. It came easily, more easily than most of his smiles had recently.

"Next time you visit, you should bring something to help me remember more. The sooner I remember, the sooner we'll find out if you're right, or if I am."

That smile about sent him simpering. Fucking hell, what even was happening to him? He had held himself much better around Harry than this before. Yet he smiled back, nodding.

"I will. I can think of some things. Stuffed dog not included," he said, almost rolling his eyes even as he thought about all the things he could bring, what might work the best. "Just let me know when you want company. Unless they've got me off playing charming and sexy, I'll be here."

"Three days," Harry decided. "Come back in three days. I have tests and physical therapy for the next couple of days and I'll be miserable company after it."

He needed a bit of time to work some things out for himself.

"Three days. By then I might not be chained to the bed," he said, giving a nod and a wink, definitely not serious. At least he hoped not.

"Harry? Please don't push yourself too hard. It's because of you I'm this determined," he pointed out, because he suspected Harry would do the same thing.

"I have a small army of nurses and doctors telling me exactly how hard I should or should not push myself. I'll be fine."

Hopefully, in and out before he was noticed as missing. Or not.

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